i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
