I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
