you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
