i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
