i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
