hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
