Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is glitter all over my balls
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