He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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