you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
