my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
