i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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