There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
