Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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