it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
