i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize