I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
