this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
