I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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