my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
