sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
