so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
