I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
