Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
