im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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