highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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