We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize