i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
