I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
