I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
