evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
