Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
