moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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