I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
