splinters make it hard to masturbate
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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