A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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