I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
