My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
