My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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