just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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