smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
