ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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