margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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