4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
