Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
