Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
