her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
