Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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