I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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