I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
