there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
