farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
