Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
