So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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