Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
