Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
