I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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