This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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