My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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