my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
