First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
