The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize