Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
