You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
