he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
