Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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