And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
