1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
