Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
