I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
