True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
