"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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