you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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