I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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