this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
