FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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