i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
