Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Im part way to drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
